5 Ways a Divorce Coach can help

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If you are having to go through a Divorce, one thing to consider is the use of a Divorce Coach. Here is how a Divorce Coach can help:

1. Reduce your Divorce costs

Most people expect that getting a divorce can be an expensive thing and whilst it does cost money, it doesn’t have to be that expensive. The reason why costs escalate is because of the emotions involved. Many people find themselves in a cycle of emotions often perpetuated by well- meaning friends and relatives who want to get angry with you, cry with you and championing you to getting the best financial settlement you can, which pushes and pulls you in all directions. This is all great that you have this support but the reality is when you go and see that lawyer/solicitor who is calm and collected and just listens to you, you will feel just that little bit better. The reason being is that the lawyer/solicitor is not emotionally involved in your Divorce and so they can create a safe space for you to just talk. And this is charged by the minute/hour.

The lawyer/solicitor is only interested in the facts, they can only deal with the facts so you talking about being hurt because your ex said this or that will not actually have any bearing on your Divorce or the amount of your settlement. Ok, so yes, within some of your emotional offloading there will be some facts there for the solicitor to proceed with, but my point is that you could have given them that information in about 1 minute as opposed to a half hour it took.

This is where a Divorce Coach can help. This is not about paying the Coach instead of the Solicitor. A good Divorce coach can support you within a set amount of agreed sessions plus you will then have a set of tools that you can apply to other areas of your life.

A coach can help you focus on sorting out your emotions, planning your future, organising yourself and ultimately helping you to work out what you want as opposed to making decisions based on what other people want or think. This will all reduce the amount of time you need to spend with a solicitor and your interaction with them will be limited to giving and receiving of facts.

It has been known that with right coach and solicitor, the total cost of a Divorce (including coach fees) can be as much as half as for people without a coach. If you and your partner are willing to work with a coach together, then even greater savings could be made.

 2. You will have better outcomes from your Divorce.

It is so sad to hear when people have just signed away everything in their divorce because they couldn’t cope with the stress at the time. They have then all lived to regret it. A coach will give you the confidence and support to make the process less stressful. You will learn negotiating techniques that will enable to get what you need to move forward with your life. A coach will help you define what that is, sometimes it’s not what you think. There are endless couples fighting over who gets which chest of drawers. These are just emotion fuelled arguments. You don’t really need that chest of drawers but you don’t want your ex to have them as punishment for the hurt you are feeling. And this is where Divorce can get messy and stressful. A coach will help you making decisions rationally and not because of emotions. This is key to getting the best outcomes. Further down the line when the emotions have subsided, you will realise that who has the chest of drawers was a pointless conversation, a complete waste of energy and money especially if this has been communicated through solicitors.

3.You will be able to move on quicker

It is important to remember that a Divorce is final and you really only have one shot to get it right. If you are unsatisfied with the outcome of the divorce, then the relationship will be harder to let go of because it will be defining your future. If your future is a struggle because you have signed everything away, then whenever you are struggling this will always be a reminder of that relationship.

For your future happiness, you need to be able to leave the baggage of the past behind. The resentment will dissipate if you have a satisfactory outcome. A coach will help you work out what that means for you.

 4. They can help you organise yourself

One thing that a Divorce forces people to do is get their ‘house in order’. There are forms to fill in, paperwork to send out, settlements to be agreed, finances laid on the table, properties to be bought and sold, and parenting arrangements to be agreed. These are all the practical tasks that you have to do to get the Divorce finalised. Delays in these tasks will delay final outcomes. These things can feel arduous in the middle of all the emotional stuff. A Divorce Coach can help you arrange and prioritise these tasks to ensure a swifter result.

 5.They will be your champion

They will be there to give you confidence to make the decisions right for you; they will support you to find the ways to have the difficult conversations with ex’s, friends, family and children; Pick you up when you are feeling down and help keep you on the right track to get the best outcome for you. They will be your biggest supporter and most importantly they will not be emotionally involved. The reality is that your Divorce is not going to affect their life so they can come with you 100% with no other agenda, than to support you.

As a Divorce Coach, I can help you navigate through all the confusions to emerge a stronger more confident you. I offer face to face coaching via Skype internationally or in person in the Cambridgeshire region of the UK. For more information click here . Alternatively you can access my highly recommended online coaching package where the coaching is delivered through a series of modules and via email with me. You can access this here.

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2 comments on “5 Ways a Divorce Coach can help
  1. Great website and advice. You are going to help a lot of people with this site 🙂

    • Thank you Jonathan. Divorce can be tough but it doesn’t have to be horrible. We want people to be able to Divorce with Dignity and then go on to find and maintain healthy new relationships

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