Conscious Uncoupling – A New Phenomenon?

Image Courtesy of Stockimages at

Image Courtesy of Stockimages at

As a Divorce Coach, it is always interesting to hear about how people have navigated through the Divorce process. In 2014 when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced that they were ‘Consciously Uncoupling’, I think there were many people who will have rolled their eyes and thought ‘here we go, another fad’. Well in all honesty, I take my hat off to them. The fact of the matter is that it is not a new fad, it is basically people acting like grown-ups who are honest with each other about how they feel and have agreed for the sake of their children to find a way to separate with minimal disruption. They remembered that they loved each other, in a different way to when they met but enough so they have been able to let each other go.

And more recently Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner seemingly trying to do the same, working with a divorce adviser and making decisions about what is right for their children. And this is the reason that I am fan of the ‘conscious uncoupling’ or basically a ‘grown up divorce’. As a child of divorced parents, I only wish that my parents had done the same. They did try, but in the moments when the emotions were raw and the settlement discussions weren’t going their way, I got to hear all about how the other parent was selfish and how they themselves had never been in the wrong. As a child, this was painful for me feeling stuck in the middle, seeing the hurt on both their faces and trying to work out if there was something I could do to stop it. I felt helpless.

I remember reading an article recently that said when one parent slags the other one off, you are slagging off part of your child. Please don’t ever forget that your children are made from both of you. So when my mum moaned about my Dad, she was criticising part of me and that hurt, it still does.

It is not just the process of going through the Divorce that affects the children, parents are essentially modelling and demonstrating to their children what to expect from relationships. It wasn’t surprising then that I found myself at the aged of 30 of also going through my own Divorce. Thankfully there were no children involved, but I would like to think that I and my ex were pretty dignified throughout the process. There were no real public moans, no using facebook to generate sympathy from people we hadn’t seen for years. It was hard for our mutual friends but in the end, I bear no grudges and we have both been able to move forward.

In all honesty, it wasn’t the perfect picture that Paltrow/Martin have portrayed and reality would suggest that they probably did shed many tears and shout at each other at times but they have reached a point where despite not wanting to be a ‘couple’ any longer, they are still parenting together.

This is why I set up North House Coaching, not in response to the ‘all new singing and dancing Conscious Uncoupling,’ but because Divorce can be painful for the couple and their children. It is also painful for family and friends because it means that things will never be the same again. It can be like a bereavement and sometimes people need help with that.

I want to help you get through this in a way that demonstrates to your children how a relationship can end peacefully. I want to help you find the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to help you move on and be happy.

As a Divorce Coach, I can help you navigate through all the confusions to emerge a stronger more confident you. I offer face to face coaching via Skype internationally or in person in the Cambridgeshire region of the UK. For more information click here . Alternatively you can access my highly recommended online coaching package where the coaching is delivered through a series of modules and via email with me. You can access this here.


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