I spend quite a significant amount of time with clients assuring them that they have more control of the outcome of the Divorce than they originally perceive. Many people come prepared for a fight and with that mind-set is exactly what they will get. At North House Coaching, along with our legal colleagues at DMFL (http://dmfl.co.uk ) we promote the philosophy to Divorce with Dignity. This is about reducing the emotional conflict in the Divorce without compromising on the material outcome. We believe that by using some of our tips below, you will get a better outcome from your Divorce both materially and psychologically.
1. Pick your battles – spending time arguing about who gets the table lamp will cost you money and energy. To get the best outcome you need to reduce the amount of conflict with your ex. If you can demonstrate reasonable behaviour and want to compromise then you are more likely to get a swifter resolution to your Divorce. Note of caution – this is not about letting them call the shots, this is about you identifying what is important to you – the table lamp (unless a family air loom) should not be a deal breaker.
2. Invest in the right solicitor – I cannot stress this more than ever. It is vital that you get a solicitor that not only is able to represent you regarding the material things but that you feel are able to represent your values. If you want a collaborative divorce then don’t appoint a litigator. There are many different ways that your Divorce can proceed and not all options result in a bun fight in court.
3. Know your options – Do your research. A good solicitor should keep you informed of your options for how to proceed; mediation and arbitration, collaborative divorce, court proceedings etc. For more information, check out the options page with my colleagues at DMFL http://dmfl.co.uk/your-options/
4. Make a future plan – This may seem difficult in the midst of all the emotion and turmoil, but it is really important to have a direction to travel in. Set out your future goals for what you would like life to be post-divorce. Think about where would you like to live, what would you like to be doing as a job, who will be the key people around you, what will be your hobbies etc. The ending of one cycle in your life provides opportunities to shape the new cycle, so use the opportunity to create the new you. This will give you direction and mind-set to focus on the important aspects of the negotiations that will help you achieve your plan.
5. Get organised – It is crucial that you get everything in order. It may seem like an arduous task but the Divorce will only be able to proceed effectively if you are able to supply all the information that is required. Block out a day and start organising. You will need all your financial and asset documentation. It is important that you are thorough as any contests about information being incomplete or non-factual will increase the time and costs of the Divorce.
If you would like to consider Divorce Coaching to help you get through your Divorce or the end of a relationship, find out more here
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