Often when people think about Divorce, they assume that it is about the couple ending their marriage because one or both of them had been an arsehole and now it’s going to cost loads of money on solicitors. And to some extents this can be the case. However it is not readily acknowledged about how a Divorce of one couple can ripple throughout many more.
Have you ever been part of a group of friends and one couple splits up? Whose side do you take? Despite trying to remain friends with both, the reality is that the group as it stood, no longer exists. The group needs to mourn the change and when one of the couple introduce a new partner to the group, you are obliged to welcome them. It means you have to make more of an effort. Old jokes and stories are banned as the group commences a relationship with someone new.
But wait, you don’t want someone new in the group, the group were happy with how things were. Half get angry towards the person who caused the divorce, the other half are sympathetic that the instigator had no choice, right? They are the real victim.
NO HANG ON, the group is the victim because the group had no choice in all of this. Everything has changed and it wasn’t the groups fault.
The couple that are divorcing are now arguing loads, solicitors are involved. They are each coming to you for information about whether the other person is dating anyone, who have they recently been on holiday with and how have they afforded it. They tell you the latest ridiculous allegation that has been made through the solicitors and wish that the other person was miserable. And you just want it all to STOP!!! So you tell them to just back down, it’s not worth the stress, just take the settlement offer and let it all be over. You are concerned about them and just want them to be able to move on.
What about a group of girls when one of them finds out their husband has been cheating. Like a pack of lions, you defend your pride, you defend the sisterhood. Let’s support our girl to ‘Screw the Bastard Over’ not only for themselves but for all the women scorned by a love rat. Spurred on by the empowerment of female justice, there is a feeling of importance, purpose and energy and you keep going to cheer your bestie across that finish line with a big fat settlement. In your face you Rat Bag!!!
The group of blokes who before Divorce proceedings are even instigated have advised their mate to get a plan because of course she is going to try and screw you over. You’ll only ever see the kids on alternate weekends if you are lucky, so let’s get prepared to screw her over. Start hiding your money, move this around. Blokes become all strategic and it becomes a competition of who got screwed over the most whilst they compare it over a pint or two.
And whilst the girls are out supporting the girls and the boys out supporting the boys, the couples in this start spending less time together. Their newly single friend is starting to emerge more confident, happy go lucky and free. They’re going out more, being spontaneous, having holidays, new clothes, got buff at the gym, got laid, and got noticed. And your life now starts to seem a little dull, another argument about football being on the TV, wet towels being left on the floor and being in a couple no longer seems that great.
How often does one couple breaking up cause a chain of other break ups within a group? Within 18 months, you can guarantee another one has bitten the dust.
And then there are the families, the in-laws who have suddenly lost a son or daughter-in-law but don’t want to show you that they are sad about that. They see you hurting and in pain, they are worried that you may spend the rest of your life alone. They are worried that you won’t be able to cope. They worry that you are not happy.
And then there is YOU. Your mutual friends wanting it all to go away. Your own friends wanting you to fight to the death. You know that you ex’s friends are advising them the same. Your family look terrified that you are going to crack. And you know that no matter which way you turn, the ripple will keep on rippling.
As a Divorce Coach, I can help you navigate through all the confusions to emerge a stronger more confident you. I offer face to face coaching via Skype or in person in the Cambridgeshire region. For more information click here . Alternatively you can access my highly recommended online coaching package where the coaching is delivered through a series of modules and via email with me. To access this click here.