This article was featured in Female First magazine on 22nd August 2015.
Divorce is loaded with negative stereotypes of ‘she screwed me over’, or ‘he got really nasty,’ so we naturally prepare ourselves for a fight that we need to win. However Divorce really does not have to be that way. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow who coined the term ‘Consciously Uncoupling’ portrayed to the world that Divorce can be done in a more dignified manner. If you want to approach your Divorce differently, here are some tips so that you too, can Divorce with Dignity and move on more easily;
- Social Media is not your friend – The ending of any relationship will leave you with an empty feeling inside that a new ‘like’, ’favourite’ or ‘follow’ will only fill temporarily. Remaining private about personal issues is the best way to be dignified and prevent you regretting some of your status updates at a later date.
- Do not fuel the Fire – No matter how the relationship has come to an end, you will know how to push the buttons of your ex and them of you. If you antagonise the situation, your ex is more likely to be less than co-operative and this could prolong the Divorce process. Try to remain calm, then shout and scream in private.
- Be careful of the ‘Go-betweens’ – Some people naturally want to be in the middle of any drama. They may use a ‘he said, she said’ tactic and whilst you may appreciate the information they have given to you, ask yourself if you really want this person in the middle of your divorce. The best way to diffuse this is to work with your ex to shut this person out together. Even if things are tough between you and your ex, they will appreciate you looking out for them and this could be an olive branch to a more collaborative divorce.
- Self-destruct helps no-one – It is tempting to go and get drunk, do some flirting, maybe have a one night stand. It will stop you feeling lonely, right? Wake up in the morning with a hangover and a stranger in your bed and you will have never felt lonelier.
- You good friends and family are all the support you need – Only use people you know well and trust for support and advice. People may swarm to try and help you but be mindful that they could be searching for gossip.
- Your Divorce does not define you – It is all too easy to become consumed with divorce but your divorce isn’t the whole of you. You still have friends, family, career, children, hobbies and interests in your life. Put your energies into focussing on them.
- Live your bucket list – In order to focus away from your divorce, you will need something new and exciting to focus on. Make a list of all the ideas and dreams that you have had during your life and set about creating opportunities to achieve them.
- Be prepared to compromise – Divorce is not a competition to win or lose. Make decisions that are right for you and your future, not for punishing or spiting your ex. If you case goes to court the final ruling will be based on facts and fairness only. Point scoring arguments through your solicitors will cost you a lot of money.
- Take some time out – Go on holiday, retreat, stay with a friend, go for a walk at the coast. Whatever you do make sure you get away from the area you live in for at least a weekend. Time away will give you clarity.
- Re-invention – Whether this is rearranging the furniture, getting a new haircut, outfit or fitness programme. Make a change that makes you feel good about you. Have control about how you identify with yourself post-Divorce. Don’t let it define you.
As a Divorce Coach, I can help you navigate through all the confusions to emerge a stronger more confident you. I offer face to face coaching via Skype internationally or in person in the Cambridgeshire region of the UK. For more information click here . Alternatively you can access my highly recommended online coaching package where the coaching is delivered through a series of modules and via email with me. You can access this here.